Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
