google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
