help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
