she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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