I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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