I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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