the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she pinky promised me she was 18
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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