The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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