Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
