Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
