Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
