So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
