come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
