As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
