he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How's work?
Spinning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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