About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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