On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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