what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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