May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
