i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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