I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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