Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
