She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
