The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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