I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
