Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
