I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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