I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
