I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
