She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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