i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
