the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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