I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
