I am puke
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
