She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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