I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
