I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
