I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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