she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
soo... how was my night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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