Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
