I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
