I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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