Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
