All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am naked and annoyed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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