WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
