Your dad touched me again.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
