i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
please come you make the beer taste better
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
