We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We are two peas in an std pod
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
