He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
