he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
